I don’t know where or even how to begin. I’ve always felt this desire for more in life ever since I was a child. I always knew I was different from most people. Challenging societal norms, questioning everything and always wanting more in life. Growing up in the lower-middle class areas of New Jersey I always wanted to know why things were out of reach. Remembering why I couldn’t have my own bedroom or being able to have family vacations. I just wanted to know why the visions of stability were so out of reach for my family.

My parents split by the time I was 8 years old and being raised by a single mother with little to no education/job training life was difficult. She did work hard, put herself through school and was able to create her own career path in the medical field which is beyond admirable (having three kids and one child with diabetes made it all the more challenging). Unfortunately my older sister and I had adult responsibilities early on and rarely can I recall a time where we could just be kids.

By the time I was a teenager, I was working as a waitress making my own money and pretty much financially independent before graduating high school. To me that was a freedom-freedom of choosing how I spent my money, where I spent it, and who I spent it on. My mother always had limiting beliefs about money (probably due to financial struggle which is understandable) equating to ‘too much money’ being a bad thing, something selfish. For a long time I thought the same thing! Money is the root of all evil as they say but really, is it?

Money itself isn’t an evil entity but maybe what it goes towards can be considered such. For me, I just didn’t want to live paycheck to paycheck or wonder when I’d be able to eat again or even pay a bill. To me, I’ve always seen money as a tool. This tool gets you what you need – food, clothing, housing, etc. So needing to care for oneself isn’t an act of evil, it’s a necessity to live.

In order to earn money there’s an exchange of labor in some way. For many years I worked in restaurants (serving was always the best in terms of money making). There were times when it was great – making tips, little responsibilities overall but it wasn’t what I wanted to do forever. Not having health benefits was surely a motivator to move out of that industry but where would I go? What else could I do? Not realizing my potential at that time and also falling to the wayside of other people’s opinions and fearing societal shame, I chose to go back to school.

I didn’t immediately go to college after high school, it wasn’t an option and I knew I needed a break. I also spent years failing massively. I lived on my own and had some bad roommates and unstable relationships. I even got evicted from a place because someone who I once trusted was literally spending the rent money I gave him on weed (of all things too! He was convinced that his heart would stop if he stopped smoking weed.). It took me years to get back on my feet mostly because I didn’t have a support system at all. Once I did bring some stability into my life I chose to enroll in college.

College was an okay experience but overall I was ripped off. The majority of the courses were led by adjunct professors who weren’t even in the field of the major coursework I’d enrolled in. Coupled with the fact that I was over the whole group projects, unpaid internships, the bull shit really. Still paying off those loans even today and it really was a waste of my time, effort and money. I allowed outside influence to convince me that if I didn’t get a degree, I’d be destined to be a failure forever.

Fast forward to now: I’m 39, no degree but a ton of life experience as well as some on the job training and certifications. I’ve failed tons and I survived. Failure means you’re doing new things and learning. With failure you get growth! You challenge yourself in different ways and through those lessons you’re building skills. You’re building the foundations of yourself in the process. Not to mention that nowadays there’s so many different ways to educate yourself outside of a traditional classroom setting.

The only thing you have to ask yourself is, What am I willing to do to create my dream life?